Tonight, 10/5/24, I started thinking about what my logical why is. Well, I’ve been exposed to and interested in history, politics, philosophy and thinking about what the heck is going on in the world since I was a child in 9/11/2001. I spent a lot of time on the internet all through my youth—something previous generations did not have. Even though I played a lot of video games, some of those were multiplayer with a lot of voice and text communication; I also did far more than just play games. I wasn’t checking out whole books from the library, I was given direct access to the Spark Notes version on everything in the world from people who did really read and synthesized it for us, delivering it to me like an AI / LLM. Of course there was inherent bias—it was imperfect—and there were scams, misinformation and false attention-grabbing tales; but it was raw, diverse and real. Many were like me in this regard, and that’s why so many millennials are so genuinely committed in setting things right—from their perspective.
I consider myself very fortunate to be born to two people who lived and thought outside of the box, who helped me cultivate critical thinking, consideration of others’ perspectives, and such capacity for love and hope. They consumed all sorts of news sources, read a lot of big books, and while also being flawed and biased humans they influenced my pretty expansive perspective. One result of this, however, is that I mostly kept to myself—keeping thoughts away from social media algorithms and public attention because I still felt uncomfortable with the little knowledge and perspective I’ve had being young in the grand scheme of geopolitics, economics, culture and religion. I did have lots of conversations, I did explore online in many diverse spaces, I did have a real fun social life in university years, I did have lots of friends in school in the several places I moved to with a military father, I did attend various churches, I did talk to a lot of homeless people, I did work for multiple companies and teams—I have been exposed to a lot. And a lot of it has made me angry at times, sobbing and heartbroken, confused if I was reading truth, sometimes caught up in lies and false conspiracies, sometimes empathizing for people’s lived experiences despite their politics.
At times, I was really caught up in it, especially with the Arab Spring, EU immigration crisis, Crimea, the US southern border, and this outsider named Trump in 2015. Or was he an outsider? The election year gripped me, spending virtually all my time trying to discern what was really going on all over the place. Ultimately when Election Day came, I did not cast a vote. I was paralyzed in information abundance yet did not feel I knew enough despite the cumulative thousands of hours. But I kept paying attention, not as a rigorous university PhD student but as my high IQ, critically thinking, obsessed-with-truth self. There is so much to mention from my research, from seeking to understand and among my biggest regrets is failing to archive my sources usefully. ISIS, Syrian War, Yemen, Afghanistan, Burma (Myanmar), Bangladesh, Venezuela—the list feels endless. and overwhelming. As things continued to unfold, I couldn’t help but notice the Hong Kong protests, mostly because my favorite game company Blizzard got involved which became a major thing in the community. And then—a strange virus popped up, there, stopping everything in Fall of 2019. I saw the incoming Fall from COVID-19, but did not think it would have been so Biblical and Orwellian in the response. Nor did I think, in my still nascent understanding of economy, that the money printer would go brrrrrrr for corporations, federal agencies, elected officials and other hyper-capitalist opportunists. But I did see the coming Russian Invasion of Ukraine, and as I was going through a spiritual crisis I began therapeutically writing poetry and creating art about all of this.
Then I held back, again. For potential safety. For consideration of what I was going through and if I wanted to really career change in this direction. I know I have a lot of passionate energy and a mythopoetic capacity for love & understanding; perhaps influenced by music, cinema, videogames, history, the media and online forums—some of which were very negative. I did not have enough professional mentorship, but I did have heartful influences who helped me ultimately hold back from going public in my relatively tame, angry, righteous moods. In recent years, I have explored these ideas with other people of giving voice for my perspective in meaningful ways—and I have received a lot of positive feedback. Several statements of having “goosebumps” when I talk with passion. So, I wondered, is this a valuable signpost?
So, what is the logical why for making the content I am, from the monologues to the podcasts to the interviews to the music to the service work? Why the “performing” on social media, as some have said? On the latter: fun, memes, and some experiments of confidence in expressing myself authentically—online, with its natural differences compared to other situations. Not that deep. But for the former, the reason why if it isn’t some projection to feel safe or to be right or to have attention (I feel very secure in myself)… I am simply displeased with the state of things, displeased with the no-longer-excusable series of special interest decisions, displeased with the pre-Information Age rate of change, displeased with the increasingly aggressive revolutionary sentiment brewing among the commons, displeased with something about how every person with a platform uses their platform or the content of their character and words. At the same time, I recognize my own imperfection and know very well with direct experience that misunderstanding is the default state and I will have all sorts of people tell me all sorts of nasty things as they project their impatient, emotional and naturally different opinion. It’s part of being human. I’m willing to deal with it because I understand people and because I have specific altruistic goals. I believe that everyone is fundamentally good if given chance, that change is possible. I also see that humanity is reaching a critical mass of good, hopeful and capable people—and it’s time to come together, coordinate our efforts and be the generation that transitions the Old World into a New one, not through an elitist central set of ideas but through We The People who are deeply connected with Nature and our Humanity. My aim is not sudden revolution but cooperative, generational transition. My aim is not civil unrest nor forceful replacement but to mediate and articulate the path forward. My aims are, as best as I sharpen them, to be pragmatic and most King Solomon-like in these regards.
So yeah I’m at the point now, almost 30, where I’ve decided among all sorts of life paths that I will fuck around and find out if I can help things in a bigger way than I have been. I still haven’t made clear who I am, why I made certain life decisions including dropping out of university, which humans past & present inspire me, and so much more. How can I in one essay? How can I in several essays, on a whole website? Maybe it’s not that deep, but I have a lot to write and share. What matters? We’ll see as we go. Consider me open-source; fully transparent and built from collective contribution. I challenge my own beliefs to the best of my ability, and owe my allegiance to this beautiful loving thing we call God, to the goodness of Humanity and to our Mother Earth—before allegiance to Country or Party. Hopefully all Countries will become aligned thusly.
Good tidings,
Bruce☆♡